Author Your Life by Lara Zielin

Author:Lara Zielin [Zielin, Lara]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lara Zielin

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Exercise #5: Question “I Never,” “I Can’t,” or “I Always”

Many of us think in black and white terms (God knows I do!), and it can be a dangerous thing. If you always or never or can’t do something, you’ve already made up your mind about who you are and how you operate. There’s no room for change.

In one survey response, I heard from a woman who was unhappy in her work, and definitively told me this about her career path: There’s no possible way I will find a job that uses my education and experience, where I can make sure I will be able to provide for my family.

The truth is, there might be something out there for her. In fact, I believe that there could be a way for her to feel less trapped and to engage in more meaningful work. There might even be something she could do on the side that would infuse her with so much happiness that it would make her day job more tolerable. But if she’s already decided that none of it is possible, then there’s no chance of it happening.

It doesn’t have to be like this. The first step is recognizing this kind of stinkin’ thinkin’ when it happens so that you can change it.

To identify black-and-white thinking, reflect for a moment on areas of your life that feel impossible, immovable, rigid, or unyielding.

What are those areas? Are there parts of your personality that you define yourself by (for instance, I’m always sarcastic! I always say yes!), but that could just be defense mechanisms or the result of fear?

I recently uncovered a deeply held belief that I can’t be too visible or bold, because I owe penance for my mistakes. It’s like a ticker-tape of thinking along the lines of, “I’ve screwed up and I need to constantly atone for it.”

Whether I was a jerk to someone in grade school or I said the wrong thing in a meeting once or I accidentally tripped on the sidewalk two years ago—you name it, I had to atone for it. The way I did that was to hold myself back from being an expert or owning the room, because people would figure out I’d screwed up and would be like, “She can’t be an awesome writer, she did that one thing that one time.” As a result, I’d diminish my capabilities and my expertise, believing this would help me not be “found out.”

I discovered this pattern because I’ve been writing a story where I’m front and center, teaching about Author Your Life and totally owning this space. There is really no way to write about reaching and helping lots of people with this book and to not see the patterns in my old stories and thinking emerge.

I’m changing my story of “I can’t…” into “Oh hell yes I will.”

Now, your turn!

Write out a story that goes like this: [Your Name] recognizes when she is thinking in black and white terms. She sees the patterns clearly and she doesn’t run from them.

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